Caxton's Donkey

Another Country

2006-07-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

During the month of July, Caxton's Donkey will be moving to another country - 1643.

To remind its readers, the Donkey would like to review what 1642 was like. A peaceful land, though its gentlemen were much troubled by demands for money, suddenly uprooted by the departure of Sir Humphrey with many of the men of the manor on the King's business. Some stragglers came back with lurid tales of ambushes and the Newport Trayned Band were seen skulking around the Manor. Kate Drayton and other members of her family were hard pressed to maintain some semblance of order. Newport men and others were found to be making work for Sam Drayton in the churchyard.

A cold winter came upon the island; few stories and even less reliable news reached us. No word from Sir Humphrey. What will happen next?

Drayton Awards 1646

2006-07-05T14:28:00.000-07:00

The Donkey has just been informed that the awards were won as follows:

Re-enactor of the year: Luke Holbrooke (Francis Fuller)

Most lethal: Ashton Smith (Israel Black)

Most deaths: Kai (Bob) and Bede (Tom Butcher)

Most flirty: Ashton Smith

Most boring: Pete Fay (Uncle Billy)

Making children cry: Ashton Smith (Israel Black)

Initiative: Ellie

The show must go on: Kayt Armstrong

“This donkey has many tales”

2006-06-29T04:12:00.000-07:00

Nominations are now being accepted for the Drayton Awards 1646

** editor's note - nominations closed on Sunday 25th June ** we will publish the results as soon as they are known

Categories

Re-enactor of the year

Most Lethal Character

(the Sam and Kate Drayton Award)

Most Lascivious Character

(the Levinus Bennett Award)

Ancient Re-enactor

(stoppeth one in three…)

Most deaths by one character

(the Olly)

Open Award

Saturday 24th June 1646

2006-06-29T04:04:00.000-07:00

Are the Drakes as pure as they seem?

Scandalous events at the manor

Charity Drake claims that she was sober last night when she tripped over the tavern. And then, this afternoon Purity Drake was seen by Master Colnet emerging from the soldiers’ camp with a stain on her character.

Captain Addison would a woo-ing go

New arrival at the manor, Captain Addison of the Scoutmaster General’s staff has been sending flowers and love notes to a certain Lady. Good manners prevent the Donkey from revealing the object of the Captain’s attentions.

Mistress Hannah Havington was seen to be offering her cherries around the tavern for the last two days. Master Till claims to have popped her cherry in his mouth several times.

Lost and found

Ginny Drayton’s lost dress has been found, turned inside out, in the Tavern.

Weekend Women’s Page

Agnes Havington says

“take zinc – it’s a good supplement!”

The weekend Crossword

“Placket”

The Coif Issue

Hepsibar Hale reports that two of the younger kitchen servants have burnt their coifs in the fire. Is this a generation thing? Hepsibar says “I am seriously upset and disturbed”. Other servants agree.

Is black truly this year’s lovat? Mistress Purity Drake leads the new fashion trends.

Results of the pendulum test on Mistress Margaret Bodle suggest that her baby has a 50% chance of being a boy.

Agnes Havington suggests that the Middle East crisis could be solved by tearing a strip off Gaza. Israel Black looked perturbed at the idea.

Friday 23rd June 1646

2006-06-29T04:02:00.000-07:00

Violence erupts at Arreton Manor

Dramatic scenes at the manor today as two soldiers are killed in a fight.

One of the dead has tonight been named as Tom Butcher. Witnesses say that Butcher was turned into a human colander by Israel Black after he downed two of Black’s men. The cause of the fight is not fully understood. Onlooker Francis Fuller was heard to remark “I love it when a plan comes together”.

Mystery solved

The blind man who has been seen around the manor several times this week was today revealed to be a certain Captain Addison. One of the Captain’s first actions was to arrest Sargeant Monroe for dereliction of duty and drunkenness on parade. The drama unfolded in the soldiers’ camp shortly after today’s dramatic killings.

In a related move, the new under-gardener Bartholomew Till was revealed to be Captain Addison’s sergeant and he immediately took over upon the arrest of Monroe.

Earlier today Bartholomew Till and a soldier were involved in a brawl in the tavern. It can be revealed that the soldier in question had been the one who had arrested Till earlier in the week and had been tied up when Till was released. The soldier has now been arrested and will be flogged.

Other news in brief

Kate Drayton meets her match

Confrontation near kitchen door with blind man

Child defends Bible by hiding it under his clothes

“I was afraid someone bad would steal it”

Child tells Agnes Havington “I hate you, you’re evil!”

Francis Fuller discusses sin with Charity and Purity Drake

Addison scares children

Ephraim Glover takes over manor for Parliament

Shock meeting in tavern

After the dramatic events in the soldier’s camp, Captain Addison visited the tavern – to the consternation of tavern keeper Francis Fuller. “He went white – he seemed a changed man” said an onlooker. “And he was muttering something about vintry men.” Fuller was later said to have been invited to visit the soldiers’ camp with Alice to dispose of something.

Weekend entertainment

Saturday:

A soldier is to be flogged. Tickets from the Tavern.

New sport invented

A child was today seen taunting a soldier with a rabbit’s head on a stick. He was warned to stop but continued.

The soldier then picked up his club and hit the rabbit’s head off the tee-stick. The head flew at least forty yards.

The child then retrieved the head and threw it towards the soldier. Onlookers started to call out the count as the head was repeatedly thrown and hit away. “I heard them do it four times” said a passer-by. A Scottish visitor was seen to be taking notes.

Look out for our Sunday supplement – a special edition of “Francis and the Vintry Man”. Available at our usual outlets and through Broken Drum Publications.

Thursday 22nd June 1646

2006-06-29T04:00:00.000-07:00

Fire breaks out at White Lion

Local heroes rescue barrels

Fire raged through a local hostelry last night, seriously damaging the White Lion. At the height of the blaze, two local men were seen to rescue a number of barrels from the burning building. “I could have sworn I knew them” said a witness “but the smoke was swirling around so I can’t be sure”.

Vandal strikes the Manor

At about the same time as the blaze at the White Lion, there was a break-in at Arreton Manor. It is not known if anything was taken, but many items were thrown around.

For the second night in a row, a soldier was attacked while on guard duty in front of the Manor. “I wish they’d just let me sleep in peace”, he said. “Night duty should be easy”

An interesting day

Tavern keeper Francis Fuller awoke feeling rather out of it, immediately found himself in it, and spent the rest of the day trying to get out of it.

New premium rate service offered

Following a suggestion from a visitor, Ginny Drayton is offering suitable customers the chance to apply some cream on her assets. “It’s a nice idea and the fee is very reasonable”

In other news

A child today found his long-lost grandfather during a visit to the soldiers’ camp. When speaking to Arthur Dane, the boy was amazed to hear “your father’s one of mine”.

Kane the coward gets his come-uppance. One unwilling volunteer curled himself up into a ball to avoid pike drill. His ruse fell apart when he found himself lifted up, still in a ball, and carried over to the drill line.

Visitors admit to liking dogs. Earlier this week, some visitors said they prefer them boiled or grilled and served with bread.

Wednesday 21st June 1646

2006-06-29T03:57:00.000-07:00

Blind man in shock fight – is he really blind?

This morning, visitors were stunned to see the blind man attack a soldier and then flee the scene. He was spotted below the formal gardens and tackled by a soldier who said later “I had my chopper out, but he still beat me”. The man then fled up past the water garden, losing his hat and stick as he ran. No-one saw his face, but one young visitor was heard to cry out “what was that – it wasn’t human!”

Sargeant Monroe thrown out of tavern

The Donkey can exclusively report that Sargeant Monroe was thrown out of the tavern today – allegedly for an unpaid bill. Our reporter heard him being banned from the tavern.

Tavern keeper attacked

Last night, local tavern keeper, Francis Fuller, was viciously attacked by person or persons unknown. This morning, he bore the bruises for all to see.

Newly appointed gardener arrested

New arrival at Arreton, Bartholomew Till, was last night arrested, but he was released on a gentleman’s recognisance.

Apology. Due to a printer’s error, the accusation against Lemuel Drayton was not printed correctly in yesterday’s edition. We understand that the matter has now been dropped and will not be reported further.

Break-in at the Drayton’s

“they must be mad” say Draytons

Local family, the Draytons, were surprised to be woken in the night by the sounds of someone breaking into their house. During the commotion, Uncle Billy discharged a firearm at the intruders. This morning he wore a bloody bandage on his head.

Lemuel and Sam Drayton were amazed at the gall of anyone daring to break in. Other family members were said to have had to sit on Sam all day to prevent him from inflicting the Drayton way of justice upon the perpetrators.

Soldier taken ill during the night

A soldier on guard duty reports a strange event that happened at about the same time as the break-in at the Draytons. He said later “I had just taken over at the front of the manor, when I found a tankard beside my post. I assumed it had been left by the soldier I had just relieved, so I took a swig. The next thing I remember was being shaken awake by someone and being offered a brandy. I don’t remember much after that.”

Tavern re-opens for soldiers

Tavern keeper Francis Fuller reports that he has concluded a business proposition concerning food supplies and so has agreed to allow soldiers back into the tavern.

Local education classes

Stay fit with Ginny Drayton

Local entertainer Ginny Drayton is offering fitness classes for any man willing to pay after a demonstration of cartwheels before an enthusiastic audience of soldiers today. “I only did it for a bet”, she said. “But I had so many requests as a result, I thought I’d add it to my services”. Ginny can be contacted at the Tavern.

How to be a success by Lemuel Drayton

You don’t have to look great, he says.

Lemuel was approached today by a young visitor whilst resting in the garden with a group of admirers. “You’re ugly” said the visitor. “Maybe I am” replied Lemuel, “but I’m surrounded by women and you’re not!”

Lost and found

Ginny Drayton tonight appealed for the return of her dress and coifs. “I know I put them down somewhere”, she says.

Tuesday 20th June 1646

2006-06-29T03:55:00.000-07:00

Blind man visits manor again

A number of visitors to Arreton Manor report that the blind man who had been attacked the previous day has returned. “He was just standing there” said one. “I’m sure he moved”, said another, waving at him. “I know he’s listening to everything I say.”

Soldier in unpaid drinking spree

Local tavern keeper says “I know who it was, and he’ll pay for it – one way or another”

Correction

In yesterday’s edition of the Donkey, it was reported that Sargeant Monroe conducted a pike drill whilst clearly under the influence of strong beer. The Sargeant has asked us to make it clear that he had been drinking red wine, not beer.

Midwife offers potions for a screaming baby

“A good night’s sleep is in prospect”, she says

Mistress Agnes Havington for all your potions, poultices and remedies

Lemuel Drayton accused of scaring child into giving him money. (more on page 2)

Uncle Billy’s Column

Did you know that the word “caravan” comes from the French “carovan”, which came originally from the Persian “kerawan”. A kerawan was a collection of hunchback horses called “camels” that were used to transport goods like silk or tea from the Orient. A Newport seer tells me tea is becoming more popular, even though it is compressed into bricks before it leaves China. This is why some call it China Caravan Tea.

Monday 19th June 1646

2006-06-29T03:52:00.000-07:00

Children attack blind man

Calls for severe beatings are made as a result of repeated attacks on a helpless stranger.

Rumours abound at Arreyton Manor

Who is this stranger in the black cloak? He is not one of ours but is this any reason for such unchristian behaviour?

Today the manor resounded to many young voices. Children from as far away as Bembridge and Lake were seen about the grounds. Some were even allowed to talk to Sir Humphrey Bennet, but he was not available for comment.

Monroe’s men plot to be home for Christmas

Sargeant Monroe’s men are planning to end this war quickly. “Let Sir Humphrey rejoin the King’s Army” they say “and with his past record, we’ll win easily!”

Blasphemy on Manor Lawn

Charity Drake was today confronted by a young person who proclaimed that God is a deceiver. The blasphemer claimed that God tells people to do works on his behalf but gives no reward.

His teacher immediately ordered that he fall to his knees and pray for forgiveness. Observers say this is unlikely to be granted.

Soldiers in multiple wife claim

Soldiers of the New Model Army are regaling anyone who visits them with lurid stories of how many wives they have had. One soldier admitted to having three wives. He claims that one died in childbirth, but the fate of the other two is shrouded in mystery.

Can we feel safe with such men in our midst? Is this to be a repeat of the infamy of the Scottish Marauders in the 1620s?

Challenge to all fit men

If you are brave enough – or unwise enough – the soldiers of Monroe’s company want to meet you in one-to-one combat. The challenge is issued for any afternoon on the soldiers’ field. They claim it is for training and fitness.

Sargeant in drunken training session

Witnesses were today appalled to see Sargeant Monroe conducting a pike drill whilst clearly under the influence of strong beer. The Donkey asks: “is this a fit man to be in charge of soldiers?”

Vacancy filled

Master Hale informs us that the position of under-gardener at Arreton Manor has now been filled.

Sunday 18th June 1646

2006-06-29T03:50:00.000-07:00

Many arrivals at Arreyton Manore

From our correspondente in ye village

One can marvel at the fact that so many are about on the Sabbath. Perhaps it is the quality of the sermons from our newly established preacher, Master Colnet.

Perhaps it is the relief the Lord has blessed us with another fine growing day for oure croppes.

Whatever mayhap the reason, it is many a day since I saw so many faces about the Manore. Some, it is true, are merely the cominges and goinges of Sargeant Monroe’s band of brothers. Some are the returning of servants who have scoured the lande for the basics of running such a manore.

God be blessed that those who have travelled far are indeede safe retyrned amongst us.

We pray that the Lord will see fit to bless us with another fine day. We hear storyes that more visitations will be upon the manore before the sun is high in the skye. May the Lord bless and keep all who are about the manore, come what may.

as time passes

2005-12-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

In manors they sit
The spirits of years gone by
The monk, the priest, the steward
The lord and his lady close by

How goes the world
Does it move slower for them
Is tomorrow a blink of an eye
A week a mere trifle in time

The years become a century
And still the manor is there
The windows grow dusty
And the fires flicker on

What tales have these panels seen
What scandals lie hidden behind
What made the mark on the table
What dreams were laid bare

How many pots were brought in
What potage passed by
How many loaves were broken
The upper crust taken there

Did the beggar call in vain
Or was the poor box enough
What fever raged outside
Did the children survive

Will the sun look on still
The trees offer their shade
Will the roses bear blooms
Their fragrance cast a spell

And do we remember
The feet that passed this way
The path they have set for us
Who call here now

players

2005-11-24T03:34:00.000-08:00

I have been reading the diaries of a gentleman known to Sir John Oglander. He do speak of a travelling player by the name of Merriewether who makes many claims - not the least of which that he met Master Shakespeare. He do also claim to have visited our island, and indeed to have come upon our parish of Arreyton, though much of what he sayeth is not to be believed. He claims to have been here at the time of the visit of His Majesty; long before I came to this parish, so I cannot vouch for the truth of this. Perhaps other gentles of this isle will recall the fellow.

Last night we were much entertained by the playing of madrigals; an art that seemed to have been lost in these times, but a visitor to Lady Elizabeth proved to be most expert at the playing. I know not what tidings he did bring, but his music was well received.

God grant that we may again enjoy such lightness and harmonie.

Caxton

November 1642

2005-11-11T16:30:00.000-08:00

The nights are drawing in. The revels of summer are past and the harvest is long home in the barns. The owl hoots and dips low over the fields to catch the tardy mouse as it scurries to the bower.

Billy Drayton brings the last of the horses back into the stable and beds it down for the night. He hasn't seen Zekey for a while. No surprise there. But then he hasn't seen the Lord of the Manor for much longer; not since that terrible day when Sir Humphrey led his motley crew away to support the King. Well, in truth, that day wasn't terrible; but the night that followed was - and the days to follow.

I sit at my desk, scratching a few words to use on Sunday. This is the quiet season about the village. Firewood has been gathered; leaves cascade from the trees and drift around like possessed spirits, restless after All Souls. Soon it will be Christmas; at least we still have that, though God knows what we have to celebrate this year. The King is - who knows where? He raised his standard at Nottingham back in the summer. Some say he's in Oxford.

We wait. We pray. What else is there to do, this November eve? God grant us peace.

Caxton